The Money Talk That Isn’t Really About Money

There’s something quietly powerful about Sunday afternoons.

They’re not the weekend anymore, but not quite the workweek either. It’s this strange little window where the world slows down just enough for something real to sneak in. No soccer practice, no Costco haul, no late emails from someone who “just wanted to get this to you before Monday.”

It’s where the best conversations happen.

Not the ones you schedule. The ones that just sort of arrive. The kind that starts casual, maybe even a little clumsy, but somehow ends up going deeper than you expected.

And some of the most important ones? They don’t even sound like they’re about money.

They start with questions like:

“Hey… is there a financial decision you made this year that you’re actually proud of?”

Or, “Do we ever feel a little off when it comes to money stuff?”

Sometimes it’s as simple as, “Does this life we’re building still feel like it fits us?”

Those questions aren’t about budgets or spreadsheets. They’re about something more foundational: trust, alignment, safety. And if you’re building a life with someone, especially in the chaos of careers, kids, and keeping it all together, these moments matter more than any financial plan on paper.

 

What the Gottmans Know(That Most of Us Learn the Hard Way)

 

Drs. John and Julie Gottman have spent decades studying what makes couples stay together and what slowly pulls them apart. And while most people guess the top marriage killers are things like infidelity or family drama, the research shows otherwise.

Money is the second leading cause of divorce.

But it’s not just money problems. It’s the way money issues often go unspoken. The way we avoid hard conversations. The way resentment builds, silently and slowly, when one person takes on all the financial responsibility or makes decisions solo, even with good intentions.

What the Gottmans found is that healthy couples aren’t the ones who never disagree about money. They’re the ones who can talk about it without fear. They fight fair. They listen. They approach finances as a team, not as opposing sides of a ledger.

The truth is that the way we talk about money reveals a great deal about how we handle vulnerability, power, and trust.

Real Life Isn’t Just About “Making It”

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You Can’t Budget Your Way Into Connection

 

We love the idea that if we just organize the finances, the peace will follow. That if the spreadsheet balances, so will the relationship.

But that’s not how any of this works.

You can’t build intimacy on a budget template. You can’t automate trust. You have to talk. Not in the middle of a fight. Not during dishes. Not at midnight after a 14-hour day. You need space. Space to be curious, not combative. To ask questions without needing immediate answers.

That’s where the real “money talks” happen. And funny enough, they don’t sound like financial meetings. They sound like:

“I want to understand how you’re feeling about all this.”
“I know we see things differently, and that’s okay—help me get where you’re coming from.”

They sound like love.

 

Where Real Wealth Lives

 

You don’t need a detailed agenda to have a meaningful conversation. You don’t even need to solve anything in one sitting. You just need to show up. You need to want to understand each other. Because when you build that kind of safety, you don’t just solve money problems, you prevent them.

So maybe this Sunday, you sit down with your person. No pressure. No big decisions. Just one simple question:

“How do you feel about the life we’re building?”

Because financial security isn’t just about having enough, it’s about knowing that no matter what comes next, you’re building it together.

And if that conversation feels too big or too loaded to have on your own, that’s okay, too. That’s where someone like me comes in. A financial planner who also runs a tax practice can offer more than just investment advice or tax strategies. We help create the space, ask the hard questions, and take the pressure off so couples can focus on building a life, not just managing a balance sheet.

Think of it less like hiring a professional and more like bringing in a guide. Someone who’s not just here for the numbers, but for what the numbers mean to you.

And if that sounds like something your relationship could use, let’s talk, maybe on a Sunday.

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